Reparations nonsense

Kurt Schlichter:
So, Senator Willy Brown Side Piece and Senator Panders With Wolves have decided to so something even Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit never dared – they’ve come out in favor of reparations. “Reparations” is, of course, the notion that a bunch of people who are not guilty of slavery owe money to people who were not slaves for some reason that never quite gets explained but that you’re racist for wondering about.

This horrific idea is, not shockingly, really unpopular with the majority of people who did not do anything wrong but are expected to cut a check. It is, however, really popular with the leftist activists driving the out-of-control clown car that is today’s Democrat Party.
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You would think I’d need to pay full reparations freight, but hold on. My mom’s mom cruised over here from Scotland in about 1910. Do I get a break for that since it was a half-century after slavery ended? And it ended, in some tiny part, because of my great-great grandfather, or maybe great-great-great grandfather, who served with the Union Army in the Civil War. We’re pretty sure some other relatives did too. Oh, and the Confederates burned down the Schlichter hometown, Chambersburg. That’s got to be worth something. Basically, I think I’m entitled to a discount.

Now, my wife immigrated here from Cuba after the Democrats’ pal Fidel Castro started tossing her family in jail for liking freedom. And it gets more complicated – she did one of those 23 and Me DNA things, and she’s got a few percentage points of African and, bizarrely, Native American (more than Big Chief Warren, not that that’s hard). So, as a Latina immigrant of femaleness with some African and Native American heritage, I’m thinking not only does she not owe reparations, but she’s probably due a refund. Just make the check out to cash and I’ll make sure she gets it.

That brings us to our kids. So, they are half-Latin with some extras, and half-Anglo, but with some recent immigrant credit and bonus points for the Civil War. How much do they owe? Or do they get something back?

And what about other folks? How about those Nigerian guys hired by Jussie Smollett? Do they get money? Do they owe money, since clearly they are entrepreneurial immigrant innovators doing jobs Americans just won’t do, like helping fake hate crimes for oppressed dudes making $65K a week. And what’s Jussie Smollett owed by, say, an Illinois truck driver whose ancestors came over from Cork during the potato famine?
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Are the Democrats going to insist that the Egyptians pay reparations to the Israelis for their years of bondage?  How about the Turks having to pay reparations to all the Europeans for taking some of their ancestors as slaves.  In fact, there were more Europeans taken as slaves in North Africa than there were Africans taken to American after being sold by other Africans. 

Schlichter really nails it with "the notion that a bunch of people who are not guilty of slavery owe money to people who were not slaves...."  Why should a truck driver be required to pay money to LeBron James?  It defies logic.

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