Live from Comedy Central

Kathleen Parker:

I started a joke, which started the whole world crying, But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing, Oh, if I'd only seen that the joke was on me. -- The Bee Gees, 1968

Tell me if you've already heard this one:

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. And if you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

That was the hilarious Sen. John F. Kerry speaking to a group of college students a few days ago. It was supposed to be a joke, he says, but he botched it.

What he really meant to say was, wait, wait, this is really funny:

"I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy?"

No, Mr. Kerry, where, where? Please don't say we end up married to a poor woman.

"You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq. Just ask President Bush."

Ta-dumb-dee-dumb.

The obvious lesson here is that some people should never try to be funny. Otherwise, Kerry seemed to be addressing a group of second-graders. "Do your homework"? "Make an effort to be smart"?

Oh, OK, Dad, you go first.

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Neither man is dumb, obviously, and each is afflicted with different problems. But in Kerry's case, it doesn't really matter what he meant to say. Why not? The answer goes a long way toward explaining what has gone wrong with the Democratic Party in recent years.

Whether Kerry is hanging with blue collars in a Boston pub -- or sniffing snifters with his Brahmin brethren -- he comes across as a pandering, elitist, effete limousine liberal who doesn't have a clue what ordinary Americans, including our gang in Iraq, are all about.

The same goes for the political party that anointed Kerry as its presidential candidate two years ago, and ordinary Americans sense it. They can smell smarter-than-thou elitism an ocean and a continent away.

Whatever Kerry meant, he managed to spin Democratic gold into hay with his kinda-sorta-maybe apology.

He botched the botch.

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She also has a great analysis of the non apology. Imus had the best advice for Kerry. Just stop it. No more excuses or explanations. Go wind surfing or skiing. The reasons he keeps digging himself deeper is that his explanations do not come from the heart, but from calculations. The gaffe hurts so much because it rings too close to his real character.