No anti swine bias allowed

Scott Ott:

With the federal government on full alert over the potential swine-flu pandemic, President Barack Obama said today that "Americans should not take this crisis as an opportunity to justify anti-swine attitudes or outright porcine abuse."

"The vast majority of hogs are peace-loving, productive members of society," the president said. "The biggest threat to the United States at this point is not that we might be overrun by a swine-based virus that indiscriminately murders its victims, but rather that we would allow a few diseased pigs to poison our hearts against the rest."

The president has ordered Attorney General Eric Holder to draft Justice Department guidelines labeling violence against domesticated hogs has a "hate crime" punishable by 10-years-to-life in prison, on top of the customary sentence. Mr. Holder has also created a special investigative unit of the FBI to focus on anti-swine crime.

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"This pandemic will be overcome the same way we triumphed over every other threat," Obama said, "through dialogue with our enemies, reasonable restrictions on your Constitutional rights, and higher taxes on those whose unfettered greed has already made them the largest tax payers."

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While Scott Ott is making fun of the Obama administration, Rick Moran notes that it is full search for a scape pig mode.