This may be the funnest thing you will read today

Kurt Schlichter:
Liberals Try To Connect With Normal Americans And It Goes Poorly

Key Democrats met secretly to confer about the party’s future as America approached the one-year anniversary of their stunning and hilarious humiliation by Donald Trump. The key question they sought to answer: “How can we Democrats appeal to those Jesus-loving, racist idiots who hate science and don’t live on the coast like everyone we know?”

After opening the seminar by refusing to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Chuck Schumer gaveled the meeting to order, sparking widespread protests. “Hammers are violent tools of oppression that cause oppressed people to literally shake. We need a national conversation about assault gavels that use automatic high-capacity clips,” sputtered the 112 year-old Senator Dianne Feinstein. “Sure, we should be able to have them, but not those, those … little people out there. They don’t need gavels.”

The assembly quickly agreed that in 2018 Democrats must prioritize sensible hammer control, including gavel background checks and ending the tool show loophole, and to enlist Lawrence O’Donnell in their campaign to stop the hammering.

This vital issue settled, Schumer continued: “Remember, we’re here to freely exchange ideas in an atmosphere of openness and unlimited inquiry. With that in mind, your program has a list of the things you can’t say, like ‘illegal alien’ and ‘Christmas.’ It also has a handy cheat sheet of everyone’s preferred pronouns. Mine are ‘he’ and ‘him,’ while Senator Menendez’s are ‘convict’ and ‘Number 675973.’ Also, be sure to observe the rule about not mansplaining, which should not be a problem with this group.”

He then turned it over to 105 year-old Nancy Pelosi, who asked, “Where am I?”

After Schumer whispered in her ear, she began: “With the economy booming, the stock market setting records, and America defeating ISIS, things have never been worse. That’s why we need to keep The Resistance going, because it’s been a huge success so far in my district in San Francisco and, I’m sure, in your districts in Manhattan, Chicago, and Havana. And we need to expand our party, which means we need to convince dirty, stupid, transphobic normal Americans to come to grips with their own failings and join us.”

“We could tell them they’re stupid even more often,” suggested Al Franken.

“And racist,” suggested Maxine Waters.

“Also, Islamophobic,” said Keith Ellison.

“In my state, I can go potty with girls!” said California’s Gavin Newsom.
...
There is more.

Schlichter has diagnosed the Democrats' problem, but don't worry, they are not going to change.

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